I’m writing this post at 5:00 am. I’ve been awake since 1:37 am. Sleep eludes me. It has done for a few weeks, ever since my move. Tonight, it’s more extreme than usual.
It hasn’t helped that I got out of bed. I know better. The best solution to get back to sleep is to remain in bed and relax. In a sense, meditate. Allow the body to calm, the mind to calm alongside it.
Instead, I’ve hindered my sleep by getting out of bed. I made it worse by stimulating myself. In this case by using my computer which has a twofold stimulus: the activity itself; and the light emitted by my tv/monitor. I know better.
But why is my sleep eluding me? In part, it’s because I’m depressed. It’s also because I’m sleeping on an unfamiliar bed. And it’s because I’m sleeping in a new apartment. Finally, it’s because I haven’t set up my CPAP machine. Mood, furniture, location, and sleep apnea all conspiring to deprive me of much-needed rest.
Eventually, I’ll step out from under the depression. I’ll grow used to my bed. I’ll become familiar with my new space. And my CPAP machine will be in use. Then, I won’t be up at 5:00 am typing about a lack of sleep. Then I hope to be sleeping like a baby.
Image by Марина Вельможко from Pixabay