Am I, are you, small or mighty? It’s a question I ask myself, not so much to beat myself up but to remind myself of a hidden truth: my illness, my mood, no matter how big it might seem, is contained within me. That idea bears repeating: my illness is always less than me; I am always bigger than it.
So, the question: am I small or am I mighty?
Yes, there are days when my mood is so inflated, so grandiose, that I feel mighty indeed. My mood feels so expansive that it exceeds the bounds of my mind. My hypomanic mind is limitless.
Conversely, there are more days, many, many, more days when my mood has me feeling exceedingly insignificant, insubstantial. This mood also, paradoxically, despite making me feel so insubstantial, feels larger than my mind. I can’t see the bottom of the depths into which I’m falling.
Nonetheless, I’ve come to appreciate that despite these moods, the hypomania and depression, that come from within me, can’t exist without me. They come from a mind that is encased in my body. They are, by extension, smaller.
But the virtual size, ah yes, there’s the rub. Virtually, they’re immense, dwarfing our sense of self.
I take solace, though, in this truth: from tiny seeds grow the mightiest trees, trees that can split rocks. My question: do I have that seed within me?
Do you have that seed within you?
The answer for me is a resounding yes. Is this also your answer?
Image by Dariusz Staniszewski from Pixabay